Updated Stages of Grieving for Middle-Aged Empty Nesters Who Get Dumped in Mid-February

  1. Feeling impossibly lonely
  2. Feeling old
  3. Feeling fat
  4. Losing a couple pounds from the combination of depression-related appetite loss and feeling fat
  5. Texting the former partner to ask which stage of the Kübler-Ross model texting the former partner all day on Valentine’s Day is (Denial. Definitely.)
  6. Social media blackout
  7. Declaring that alcohol exacerbates depression and one will not be drinking for a while
  8. Beer for dinner
  9. Social media withdrawal symptoms
  10. Drunk texting girlfriends and losing track of which conversation is which
  11. Declaring that it is time to really quit smoking because one is no longer hanging out with a smoker
  12. Crying every hour
  13. Chain smoking
  14. Deciding to meditate more
  15. Crying instead
  16. Deciding to take a free guitar lesson
  17. Feeling extra lonely after being blown off by lady offering free guitar lesson
  18. Deciding to take art class
  19. Discovering art classes cost money
  20. Insisting one is above ice cream, chocolate and potato chips (see Step 3)
  21. Insisting that staying on the same bowling team is totally fine, and meaning it, because bowling is fun, dammit
  22. Washing a bunch of clean clothes because they smell like the former partner’s laundry detergent
  23. Not being above potato chips at all (Try not to think about Step 3)
  24. Hanging out with partnered friends and noticing how sweet the private languages they share are, and being so very happy for them
  25. Writing wretched poetry
  26. Writing actually not so bad poetry, as near as one can tell, or not — because who actually knows anymore?
  27. Realizing that maybe one is not the only person who is bad at relationships around here
  28. Crying every two hours
  29. Soaking up the affection of the girlfriends who reach out
  30. Seeing the pained boredom on the faces of the girlfriends who have maybe heard this story one too many times
  31. Remembering one is actually pretty interested in one’s girlfriends’ lives and enjoying them talking about their tattoos, kids, cats, dogs, projects and other genuinely interesting things that don’t involve self-doubt and uncontrollable weeping
  32. Making it through the workday without crying
  33. Remembering one is not alone
  34. Tentative gratitude for having experienced a very big, very powerful love
  35. Real, strong, solid gratitude for tolerant, loving girlfriends
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About pantsinspace

I'm an inch deep and a mile wide. Not literally. But literarily, sure.
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One Response to Updated Stages of Grieving for Middle-Aged Empty Nesters Who Get Dumped in Mid-February

  1. Kevin says:

    Hope you feel better soon Liz, lets get together soon.

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