Old dog, new trick

There’s a guitar in the corner of my living room. My living room is about a mile from the Seahawks stadium. I have a dog. I watch the Seahawks on TV. When I do, I snack. When I snack, the dog keeps a close eye on me.

When the Seahawks score, they set off fireworks that sound like cannons. The noise scares the dog, who wants to get away, but not so far that she can’t keep an eye on my snacks. A few seconds later, the game, on tape delay, shows the scoring play and I holler “whooo!” My approval reassures the dog. The dog, sitting in the corner of the living room, next to the guitar, wags her tail. The tail whaps the guitar and sounds the strings.

Thus, the dog plays the guitar.

I’m taking a programming class. By keeping a close eye on a few people, and grabbing bits of help whenever they are offered, I’ve been able to use my hands on the keyboard to, technically, bang out a couple of short programs.

The dog plays the guitar. The writer writes code.

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Chilling Effect: Using Frivolous Lawsuits to Intimidate Free Speech

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If I were qualified to give advice, I would give you advice

Our local alternative paper has a few cartoons featuring advice for 18-year-olds. I figure the time peg is sort of back-to-schoolish — college classes at most schools around here start Monday. Lots of us are writers here in this warm, loving space that is my blog that nobody but my friends reads, so we’ve seen several iterations of this story. Sometimes it’s good. Sometimes it’s maudlin. Sometimes it’s weirdly commercial. Now that I’m an old fart, I have come to like it — the comforting seasons of publishing for the masses.

Well, it’s far too late for me, and even my kids are over 18. But here’s my advice. Not that anyone asked.

Don’t be afraid.

Pay attention.

Don’t hurt anyone on purpose.

Don’t smoke and stay the fuck away from heroin.

But most of all, don’t be afraid — especially of the flip advice that people you don’t know give you. Stupid tattoo? You are still worthy of love. Stupid haircut? Still worthy of love. Appalling taste in music? Totally lovable. Abortion? Love. Failed a class? Come here, let me hug you! $50,000 in credit card debt with only beer and cheeseburgers to show for it? Oh, honey, we’ll figure it out — let me rub your head.

Seriously, 18-year-olds — don’t be afraid. It’s not like we don’t all know that the world is terrifying. It’s just that fear doesn’t help you cope. And we love you. We really do, and we always always always will.

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weeds

offended on behalf of wildflowers

setting baby fig trees loose

banking rebirth behind the shed

imposing futile order and drinking

from an unseen vineyard

burned skin skinned knees burning muscle

all gifts exchanged for peace, fruit

and a deliciously imperfect eden

flowers

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Perils of an open heart

hearth

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NO TOUCHING.

perimeter

Ambivalent about dudes? Grow luscious locks on your legs. Better than bad breath!

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I’ve always kind of envied the puffer fish

And wouldn’t it be neat if mens’ beards worked like puffer fish? POOF. HAIRY.

spanx

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